Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo
The Complete Set
Shall I try to bear the knocks and shocks when they come, keeping a friendly feeling within (???) or her? And how much of the letter you have written shall I show her?
I am rather doubtful about the latter. The other process is better – at the same time getting J to understand gradually (though as quickly as possible) that there must be a change in the spirit and nature of any relation between you.
Yes, it is after all the Divine who brought me here. But before all was it not her prayer and aspiration for me that was the cause?
As J did not pre-exist before the Divine and it is not she who is managing the affairs of the world, I prefer to believe that it was J who was the instrument of the Divine and not the Divine the instrument of J.
Was it predestined that she should be a link between you and me? Had I really no chance independently? Was our union only a play of forces?
Predestination and chance are words – words that obscure the truth by their extreme rigidity of definition. All is done through a play of forces which seems to be a play of different possibles, but there is Something that looks and selects and uses without being either blindly arbitrary (predestination) or capriciously decisive (chance).
I heard from Jaswant that L and S are two most sincere sadhikas; this seems to have been your opinion.
I am exceedingly surprised to hear it. L, yes – since she had her conversion several years ago, has been single-pointed and single-hearted towards the Mother. But S? She has experiences, but her vital is as vagabond as a butterfly. That is why she does not arrive.
I am in trouble and I don't know if you will help me.
You know that I have not served, or sought any god. Yoga and religion were a repulsion to me. I can't conceive of any Krishna, Shiva or even Buddha helping me – since I have not taken their name.
I have neither any great being nor power1 behind me which many have, I hear.
Hallo, hallo! what's that?
I know only you and none else. You may say, “What's the use if you don't keep true to me?” Will you also say, “No such sentiments without fulfilling the conditions”?
The sentiment is all right, but you must either trundle along yourself or allow yourself to be kicked along (excuse the simile) towards the goal – one of the two, what the blazes!
1 Sri Aurobindo underlined “great being nor power”